|Why would I want to leave?
||[Oct. 3rd, 2006|10:32 pm]
Face the Fear and Do It Anyway
I am afraid of my exchange to Denmark.|
It's a great opportunity, it's one of the best journalism schools in Europe, I get to go to the EU Parliament in Brussels, I get to travel around Europe...it seemed to be the best thing I could possibly do while in school. And for the past 6 months, it's seemed like this far off thing that was coming, but not. It didn't seem completely real. Now....it's starting to seem more real. And I'm scared.
I'm scared of failing while I'm there.
I'm scared of making an ass of myself.
I'm scared of not making any friends, since I seem to not do well with this.
This last issue has been one of those childhood haunt things. I never really had friends growing up, and I never really had a good idea of how to develop good, honest, solid friendships without it breaking down somehow. I always seemed to be the class freak, and so I tried to grow into that persona. Now, I find myself looking at people in school, thinking that they seem cool, and wondering how I can try to be friends without seeming like some kind of wierd person. I'm afraid of these same judgements over in Denmark, the place where I want to make friends. I want to get to know people there.
I'm also afraid of what I am leaving behind, and how much of it will be changed when I get back. I want the world to stop and wait for me, despite knowing how illogical that is. I will miss James and my family and my friends, that's natural. I just don't want to feel like I am leaving my life here behind, even if it is temporarily.
I want to do this....I'm just scared of actually getting on with it.